Cultural Identity |
Even so, navigating the spaces between Indian and American culture is not without its complications. Mina* (age 21), for instance, said that she feels “much more Indian in a private setting.”
“[W]hat I mean by that is that I feel Indian when I’m with my family, speaking in Gujarati, talking about things that people of our culture understand more and hearing my parents talk about when they lived in India. The majority of my friends are white American so I feel like I identify with the Indian culture less.”
So her feeling of proximity to one identity as opposed to another varies by context. And this becomes even more complicated when we consider that being around other Indian people in the U.S. is different not only from being around non-Indians in this country (which seems pretty obvious), but it’s also different from being in India. Hema (age 21) said:
“You know, there’s some parts of who you are that are just Indian, and I can’t change that about me; I can’t change, like, the way I was raised…there’s just things like that that are so critical to who I am, but then at the same time, I don’t necessarily…like, I don’t feel comfortable when I’m in India, either – because there are parts of me that are so American.”
In fact, 30% of my survey respondents said that they have dealt with the problem of being seen by traditional Indian immigrants as “not Indian enough” no matter how Indian they personally feel. When I spoke with Swathi (age 23), she had this to say about her experience meeting other Indians in grad school:
Swathi: The graduate kids who were straight from India would talk to me and then they’d notice my accent, and they’re like, ‘Oh, you’re not really Indian,’ and I’m like, ‘What? Dude, like, that’s an insult,’ you know? It’s, like, who I am and you’re telling me I’m not it – so I think that that – that kind of, um…like when I was younger, of course, it was just me and my parents or my friends; like, my friends would
believe certain things and I don’t, so they would think, like, ‘Oh, |
you’re just so Indian, you’re - you’re naïve about this, that’s why you don’t do it,’ but now it’s kind of, like, I don’t know, people who are Indian – like, straight up – they don’t think that I am; and I do a lot of work in India: internships and, like, social work and stuff, and that's definitely when it comes up, when I have to interact with people who are "original Indians."
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A lot of others feel that same sort of evaluation of their “Indianness” from their own parents or family. Here are some of the responses from my anonymous survey participants describing how this plays out:
·”I do not always participate in Indian cultural shows, I do not have many Indian friends, I am not in a major that is traditionally accepted in Indian families (pre-med, engineering, business). It used to make me feel really bad because I felt like I was disappointing my parents, but now they have come to terms with who I am culturally and I feel less disappointment from them. This has happened largely through my past 4 years at college.”
·“My extended family knows that I am sexually active before marriage and they strongly frown upon it.”
·“They feel that I need to become more religious.”
·“They expect my ambitions and life goals to align with the Indian standard or else I am too 'Western'. (Ex: Become a doctor, married by 25, be meek)”
·“Not cooking Indian food”
·"They will just reiterate the importance of keeping up our values or will say things like 'you are becoming very American.' I often react by challenging them because they live in this country and are technically 'American' too."
·"When I visit India, my family (cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents) often point out how 'American' my accent is and that I've lost my ability to speak my native tongue. I can still understand my native language but they assume they can only speak to me in English. This makes me feel very frustrated; however, I do not attempt to speak my native language because I know it does sound funny."
·"I'm only half-Indian. So, I would say that my extended family sometimes makes me feel as though I'm not 'Indian enough'. It's quite discomforting because I identify strongly with my Indian half, and has caused quite a bit of racial confusion in my life.”
Some of this reflects something that Sandhya (age 24) said to me and that I’ve experienced myself to some degree: “[T]here’s such a dramatic emphasis that American values are not acceptable.” Behaviors that compromise the Indian values of “respect,”” “duty,” and “sacrifice” (Srinivasan) – which are all other-directed – are really looked down upon. A couple others of the anonymous responses to this question of how/why these women are made to feel insufficiently Indian, for example, were: “cause I dont listen to [my parents] all the time” and “Only if we have a fight or argument or something...it's 'not Indian' to argue with your parents.”
I can’t emphasize just how important respect for elders – most importantly, your parents and grandparents – is in Indian culture. India is widely considered to have a collectivist or interdependent society (as opposed to America’s individualist/independent society), where “others will be assigned much more importance, will carry more weight, and will be relatively focal in one's own behavior… maintaining a connection to others will mean being constantly aware of others and focusing on their needs, desires, and goals” (according to Markus & Kitayama). The boundaries between yourself and other people aren’t nearly are defined as they are, or ideally “should” be, in American culture. Other people’s feelings and needs are considered as important – and often more important – than your own. Parents and family, in particular, are absolutely central to any Indian American woman’s life. That’s one of the few major generalizations I can stand behind with confidence.
I can’t emphasize just how important respect for elders – most importantly, your parents and grandparents – is in Indian culture. India is widely considered to have a collectivist or interdependent society (as opposed to America’s individualist/independent society), where “others will be assigned much more importance, will carry more weight, and will be relatively focal in one's own behavior… maintaining a connection to others will mean being constantly aware of others and focusing on their needs, desires, and goals” (according to Markus & Kitayama). The boundaries between yourself and other people aren’t nearly are defined as they are, or ideally “should” be, in American culture. Other people’s feelings and needs are considered as important – and often more important – than your own. Parents and family, in particular, are absolutely central to any Indian American woman’s life. That’s one of the few major generalizations I can stand behind with confidence.
Sandhya: I would say it's a higher awareness of how your decisions affect others.
Neeyati: Yeah, I think that's a good way to put it. S: As in, you are constantly checking and re-checking how does this - it's not just, "What do I feel about it?" It's what - I feel it extends to my friends as well, where I'm like, "What do my friends think about this?" What do - does my significant other, if I have one at the time, think about this? What would my parents think, what would my brother think, what would my cousins think, what would my...you know, close friends think, what would my religious friends think, what would my drinking buddies think? Like, I feel like I have been trained to think about what everybody else thinks before I make a decision. N: Yeah. S: And, like, ask for permission, or at least test the waters out with |
the idea before I’m allowed to make a decision. Like, you know, if I was American, and - I'm sorry, if I was white American, and I was, like: "I wanna change my job," I could go and apply and change my job and do whatever shit I wanted. At least that's my perception of them. But if I were - like, I mean, if I considered changing my job right now, for example...like, my friend asked me, and I was like, "Give me - give me five minutes. Let me call you back," and he's like, "What's the decision?" I was like, "Give me five minutes; I'll call you back." And I - because I knew that I had to go and tell my parents I was doing this before I actually did it.
N: Yeah. Right, just to even check in with them. S: ...Like, I - I’m pushing the boundaries as I grow older, to be like, "I’m telling you, I’m not asking you." But there’s definitely still a level of, "I’m still telling you, it’s not like I’m going out and doing stuff that you don’t know about." |