Dating in the Desi Diaspora:
Negotiating Identities and Navigating Relationships as an Indian American Woman
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Like any cultural minority, Indian American women face a lot of unique pressures and struggles when it comes to forming an identity in this country; it's an ongoing process that can be challenging and frustrating, but - in my life, at least - really gratifying as well.
For women who either were born and raised in the United States or have spent a significant amount of time here, identity formation is a complicated negotiation between the cultural values we encounter every day in this country and the Indian values that have permeated the walls of our homes and immigrant communities ever since we were born. |
Relationships, more than anything else, seem to be the spaces in which this negotiation plays out. Indian culture is so deeply rooted in family and collective life, and marriage - an alliance between two families, not just two individuals - is central to our conception of our social world. That marriage, family, and individual identity are so inextricably linked in a culture that has shaped and supported me in countless ways is fascinating when compared to the changing structure of gender relations and the emphasis on independence in the U.S., where I've lived my entire life.
I decided to look more closely at this by surveying and interviewing young Indian American women about their perspectives on dating, love, and marriage. I wanted to understand how they (and I) negotiate different, sometimes contradictory cultural forces when it comes to relationships. I wanted to get a sense of the range of experiences that come with this blend of cultural identities (Indian and American) and how this diversity shapes different opinions or experiences of feminism. Most importantly, I really wanted to preserve these women's voices: the way they work through complicated questions of identity and social relationships and they way they choose to tell their own stories.
To start, I've also interviewed both my grandmother and my mother, both born and raised in India, about their experiences with marriage and family; not only does this give me the opportunity to explore the history of the women in my family and to consider how their choices and experiences have shaped me, but it also sets up a point of contrast for the issues that Indian American women face in this country at this time.
So please read on, starting with the story of my grandmother and her "love" or "choice" - as opposed to arranged - marriage in India in the 1940s.
I decided to look more closely at this by surveying and interviewing young Indian American women about their perspectives on dating, love, and marriage. I wanted to understand how they (and I) negotiate different, sometimes contradictory cultural forces when it comes to relationships. I wanted to get a sense of the range of experiences that come with this blend of cultural identities (Indian and American) and how this diversity shapes different opinions or experiences of feminism. Most importantly, I really wanted to preserve these women's voices: the way they work through complicated questions of identity and social relationships and they way they choose to tell their own stories.
To start, I've also interviewed both my grandmother and my mother, both born and raised in India, about their experiences with marriage and family; not only does this give me the opportunity to explore the history of the women in my family and to consider how their choices and experiences have shaped me, but it also sets up a point of contrast for the issues that Indian American women face in this country at this time.
So please read on, starting with the story of my grandmother and her "love" or "choice" - as opposed to arranged - marriage in India in the 1940s.